


if you leave the light on

by labeledbones



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 07:01:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16928646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/labeledbones/pseuds/labeledbones
Summary: It’s always in this moment of Armie walking towards him through a crowd that Timmy forgets to not be in love with him.Just a bit of plotless Armie/Timmy angst for you. :)





	if you leave the light on

It’s always in this moment of Armie walking towards him through a crowd that Timmy forgets to not be in love with him. 

Forgets to not be in love with Armie the way a person forgets to pick up milk at the store. The not being in love just slips from his mind even though he’d written it down on a list folded up in his pocket along with bread, light bulbs, bananas. Even though he’d repeated it to himself a few times before leaving earlier, set a reminder on his phone: Saturday, 7 PM, _don’t be in love with Armie_. 

And he doesn’t remember to not be in love with Armie until he’s pulling his pants back on, looking at Armie sprawled across the bed in his hotel room, still naked, miles and miles of golden skin, his hair pointing in all directions. 

“Fuck,” he says, and starts frantically patting his pockets like he’ll find his lack of love for Armie tucked away there. 

And he knows the metaphor, simile, whatever, is stretching thin at this point, but he is also certain that he’s losing his mind, that he’s been losing his mind for the last two years. Armie grins at him from the bed. “What are you looking for?” His voice is teasing and he reaches a hand out to drag a finger along Timmy’s sharp hip bone peeking out above his waistband.

Timmy shakes his head, trying to get his brain to work properly. “Nothing,” he says. “My phone.” 

“It’s right here on the nightstand, dumbass,” Armie laughs, reaching for the phone and handing it to him.  
“Right,” Timmy says, sitting down heavily on the bed. “Thanks.” 

Armie walks slow fingers up Timmy’s spine until he reaches the back of his head and tugs not gently at Timmy’s hair. “Glad this is finally growing out,” Armie mumbles as he tugs again until Timmy falls back against his body and Armie can press his mouth to Timmy’s throat. 

Timmy feigns resistance before giving in and climbing on top of Armie, his exposed skin warm through Timmy’s clothes. Timmy leans down until his mouth is just barely touching Armie’s and then he sits back abruptly, looking down at Armie’s parted lips and half closed eyes. 

“This is easy for you, isn’t it?” he asks. His voice sounds more accusatory than he intends.

Armie props himself up on his elbows. “What’s easy?”

“Us,” Timmy shrugs and unfolds his arms, hands falling onto Armie’s shoulders. 

“Of course it is.” He turns his head and kisses the inside of Timmy’s wrist. “Is it not easy for you?” 

Timmy drops his head against Armie’s neck, forcing Armie to lie back down, laughing. “Don’t know,” Timmy mumbles against his skin. “Feels a little bit like jumping into the middle of a conversation every time we see each other, you know? I never really know what we’re talking about, what’s going on. Spend the whole time trying to catch up to where you are.” 

They’d been in a bubble last year and that the bubble had burst. Their lives are no longer tangled up, no longer inextricable. They are separate. They are separated. Timmy feels this separation even more acutely when they’re together.

Armie’s hair is shorter and Timmy hadn’t known that it would be.

He takes a breath and says without lifting his head, “I’m not in love with you anymore.” Throwing the idea out there casually, wanting to see how the words feel, how heavy the lie is. The sound of his voice saying it makes him feel like a different person, the wrong person.

Armie is quiet for a while, but his fingers move against the back of Timmy’s neck. “Well, I’m still in love with you,” he says, matter of fact. 

Timmy groans, burying deeper into Armie. “No, you’re not.” A low rumble, barely audible, lost in Armie’s skin.

“You’re so fucking impossible,” Armie says. Timmy can hear Armie’s bright teeth in the words so he sits back, touches the curve of that smile with his fingertips. 

Timmy climbs off of Armie and stretches out next to him. Their hands find each other. “It’s not easy for me,” he says. 

Armie’s fingers tighten around his. “It’s not easy for me either.”

“You just said it was.” He furrows his brow, turns his face into Armie’s shoulder.

“I lied,” Armie says.

Timmy laughs, a bright peal of laughter, a release that loosens his chest. 

“Fucking liar,” he says, smiling, pillowing his head on Armie’s chest. 

He closes his eyes and thinks that this part _is_ easy. Being with Armie alone in this moment is easy, listening to Armie’s heart beating is easy, kissing him on the mouth is easy, smoking out on the balcony with him at 2 AM is easy, ordering cake from room service and watching him eat it with his hands is easy, taking a shower with him until the water runs cold is easy, crawling into bed next to him and falling asleep within seconds is easy. 

But then there’s tomorrow, and they’ll go away from each other again, and they’ll live lives that have nothing to do with one another, and they’ll kiss other people, and they’ll get lost in their work, and they’ll forget who the other really is for a moment, for a day, and they won’t call or text for a while, and they’ll worry it’s all over, ended, finished, and it will be hard.

Until Armie crosses another crowded room with his eyes bright, easy, focused, with his shoulders set and forcing their way between people more interesting, more beautiful than Timmy, with his arms reaching out, pulling him in, with his voice light and happy and relieved, saying his name, and Timmy forgets to not be in love.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Light On" by Maggie Rogers.


End file.
